Posted 3 years ago

Kinect me to Jessica Alba

From (917)

I want the xbox kinect and Jessica Alba in her bra and panties waiting for me when I get home.

Is this in order of importance?  I’m not sure which one is harder to get at this point…because the kinect IS pretty rad.

In related news: Jessica Alba has asked for a restraining order for Christmas.


Merry Christmas Stalkers and Girls!




Posted 3 years ago


From (817)…

Dear Santa, I would like a baby and a dollhouse for Christmas this year, please!! Oh and I wont forget the milk and cookies for you!! Thank you


Well Keely, I’m with you on the dollhouse.  No problem.  But a baby too? I don’t know if you know this, but babies kinda stomp on things and ruin them.

In fact, if I were to bring you a baby (which I’d have to coordinate with the Stork), I’m pretty sure this baby would wreck your new dollhouse.

Plus, babies smell.

Merry Christmas!!!!



UPDATE: I like Sugar Cookies in case anyone is wondering.

Posted 3 years ago


810 texted their Christmas wish…

I want a DSI for Christmas pls.

Ok fine, I’m not as hip as I thought I was.  I had to Google “DSI”.

Here’s what I came up with:

Decision Sciences Institute


Nintendo DSi

I’m assuming you want the Nintendo DSi, because an entire Sciences Institute would be pretty hard to transport.  Plus, I’m not sure how old you are, but you’re probably not ready to run a Sciences Institute.  Maybe when you’re 30.

Since I know nothing about the DSi, I figured I would investigate a little further on YouTube and it looks pretty fun.

Posted 3 years ago

Really? Really.

Keilly k dropped me a text the other day….

Santa I want a pony

Really?  Kids still ask for those?  Ponies are so like 1993.  Unicorns are the new hot.  Unicorns with Rainbow T-Shirts in fact.  

Pony Fact: Most ponies are of Celtic origin.

Did you know that?  Me neither.  Not that it matters, because there is no way I can fit a pony on my sleigh.  Plus, they smell.  How about a nice iPod touch?  You can then FaceTime with a pony. 

Would that be referred to as “PonyTime”?

Ho ho ho and stuff.


Posted 3 years ago

lazy butt.

(917) texts in:

I just want an iRobot Roomba…cause I’m a lazy butt and don’t want to vacuum.  Merry Christmas!

Well, 917, I appreciate your honesty.  I too am a lazy butt.  The Roomba is the greatest invention ever, but might I suggest some other fun uses for it?

- Tie a bell to it and freak out the cat

- Strap snacks on top of it, for random noms

Merry Christmas, and check out these great deals on Roombas folks!

By the way, when they come out with the iLaundry, let me and the Mrs. know.

Posted 3 years ago

grace thanks me for my halibut time.

grace says:

"hey, i want a netbook for Xmas and I want to feel closer to Jesus too.  Tnks for your halibut time."

recognizing her autocorrect error, she follows up with:

"your valuable time."

good thing, because when it’s halibut time, i’m out of pocket…i take dinner very seriously (clearly.).

So Grace, I might be able to help you with the whole netbook thing, but you’re on your own with Jesus.  Sorry, he’s not answering my calls.

Keep being good and stuff.

SANTATIP: Looking to get someone a netbook (ie: a tiny laptop) this year? Check out Apple’s new Macbook Air.  It’s so light, the Mrs. tossed it out with the trash once.

Posted 3 years ago

Hello World.

My name is Santa.

Yes.  THAT Santa.

For years and years I’ve waited for letters to come about what y’all want for Christmas.  Our poor mailman is gettin’ up there in years, and his chiropractor really wants him to take it easy. (Letters are heavy ya know)

I figured it’s time to get with the times so to speak.  All of you are using the internets and texting your heads off, so I figured I’d give it a shot too.


Starting right now, you can text in your Christmas requests.  I’ll post some of the interesting ones here.  I might even respond to your text.

So text me what you want for Christmas to (915) 440-0664.  Every single request will be read, and as usual - only nice boys and girls need apply.



ps. thanks to textPlus for setting me up with the #!